Imaginary Island Vacation Wear, Courtesy of 007

One of my projects over the last couple of months has been to watch every one of the Eon-produced James Bond movies, which might not sound like much of a project but really becomes one when you have twenty-two lengthy films of varying quality to get through.

I have to deal with Roger Moore, for example, whose face really bothers me. But it's necessary to get to Timothy Dalton's Bond.

The really fun part of this, aside from getting to watch one of my favorite politically incorrect, morally reprehensible, gender-discriminating film series, is that I’ve gained tons of inspiration from a whole crop of Bond girls and their assorted bikinis. So far, with the exception of From Russia With Love, there’s been at least one swimsuit-clad lady in each movie. (I’m seven movies in and Live And Let Die is up next, which is probably the most racist film ever to feature music by Paul McCartney and Wings… probably). When I finally go on an island vacation with my boyfriend, I will be dressing exclusively in Bond girl-inspired swimwear.

The most famously swimsuited Bond girl, Ursula Andress as Honey Ryder.

Can I pull off a white bikini like Ursula in Dr. No? Probably not without waxing what little body hair I have. If I did a bikini like this, I would probably go with the Andress-inspired version that Halle Berry wore in Die Another Day.

Damn, girl.

Not only does orange seem like a more tropical color generally, I already own an orange bikini. I just need a sweet white knife-holster belt to go on top. For the knife I clearly need to be carrying at all times. For the bad guys I might have to knife.

Of course, there are always these options:

Jill Masterson gets to be swimsuit-clad before being killed via gold-coating. Actually she might just be in her underwear. Which is an option for me, I guess.

Jill St. John changes her wig more than her bikini. She wears almost nothing but purple throughout her movie, which is pretty cool. Maybe I should choose a monotone wardrobe for all vacations.

A one-piece could happen. But I doubt I could find one as hot as this one. I mean, there's lacing up the legs and between her boobs.

More white bikinis. This time, Kissy Suzuki wears hers to climb a mountain. And everyone else gets ninja outfits while she stays in her two-piece the entire time.

Or, I could be a total baller and just pull this:

Honestly our boobs are probably the same size.

I do have a pair of Gaultier ikat-print swim trunks which might be the best summer clothing article I own. But if I end up taking the role of James Bond in my island vacation, who will my Bond girl be?

About Sloane Martin

Sloane Martin is a writer, reader, collage-maker and used clothing store worker in San Francisco. She collects wide-brimmed hats, ankle boots, leather jackets and bolo ties. Lately she's been going for an urban cowgirl kind of thing, but less costume-y than what you're picturing. She gets really excited about good breakfast foods, Japanese whisky, and making lists (she's a Libra, obviously.) Sloane was once told that the children's book Eloise explained a lot about her, and she doesn't disagree. 

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