As someone who finds sitting cross-legged staring at the wall to be a more interesting activity than watching the Oscars, it’s always fun every year to hear everyone go on and on after the fact about all the red carpet fashion. Every year I think I must have missed something, some big moment in fashion history. EVERY YEAR.
And every year I go through website after website chock full of gown commentary. Do you remember anyone’s Oscar dress from before this year? No. Know why? Because like the movies that the Oscars often honor, they’re entirely of no consequence.
So, to combat all the Internet pomp and circumstance around who designed what for whom, and how it looks, and body types, etc., I’m going to give you all you need to know about Oscar fashion in a series of rapidfire snap judgments–something I do well. What follows will no doubt be the least in-depth thing I’ve ever written, but we’ll all feel a sense of relief after.
There. See? You don’t have to think so hard about these things. I also probably should have mentioned that I don’t think anyone looks good in a gown. We’re not accustomed to gowns in this day and age and it shows. Big ol’ parade of awkward.