I am definitely not one of those people at a party who ruins everyone’s buzz by shouting OMG LET ME SHOW YOU SOMETHING ON YOUTUBE!! This is mostly because I don’t care about animals being friends with other animals, suburban teenagers singing multi-millionaire teenager’s songs, or how to remove a skin-tag.
The landscape of YouTube is far and wide, like the gap between Madonna and reality. The quality is just as treacherous. But if there is one thing I go back to repeatedly, it would be the mind-blowing comedy parodies of DEVEN GREEN. If someone starts turning on the YouTube videos, THIS is where you need to be.
Deven Green is an award-winning comedian, performer, and YouTube sensation. I was introduced to her brilliant “Welcome To My Home,” video series, and forever changed (like when you find out you can use lipstick as BLUSH). If you are clueless to this surreal and avant garde comedy master-mind, check out the following. It’s a voice-over of an ’80s soap opera actress home video work-out-and-beauty-regimen tape. Deven Green saves us all, and makes this disaster hilariously watchable:
Break out the champagne, because you’re going to need to hydrate after burning so many calories from laughing. Why eat your feelings when you can gorge yourself on LOL-pie? More from Deven Green:
So, dear reader, you’ll be delighted to know that I caught up with the comedy genius herself, and talked fashion, fragrance, and of course, my favorite topic: Ben McCoy.
Ben: What do you think is missing in fashion, currently?
DEVEN: SENSE! If there was a congruent flow from one year to the next than more would embrace and truly understand how the current look has progressed from the previous year and why. HAHAHAHA. Oh, Ben, that is ludicrous. Everyone knows that if you don’t know what to wear you are a unitard! What is REALLY missing? OUR WORDS! Fashion doesn’t need your words (your = strangers) it needs the comments of Ben and Deven! Do we really need to hear Karl Lagerfeld repeatedly say, “pussy is in this year!”
B: What style trends are stabbing you in the eyes at the moment?
DEVEN: I AM LIVING FOR THIS FASHION AND ALWAYS WILL:
(CONT.): Your instincts may be the perfunctory, “I am now having a relationship with your knee,” or, “This camel don’t NEEEED water,” or, “My waist emphasizes itself,” but let’s dig deeper. OMG, I just realized how shallow I am!
B: Shallow waters are better than Crystal Waters.
I'll be the judge of that!
B: What is your current fashion obsession that you could never wear?
DEVEN: THESE BOOTS:
(CONT.): Imagine me as a classy, A-cup whore wearing these in the boudoir (and of course talking my inscrutable brand of chitter- chatter so much so that the trick throws crisp bills at me so he can leave before his time is up). Then, with my slut money I would buy ANOTHER pair of these boots just a 1/2 size bigger in case my feet get a little puffy.
B: I think the ROLLED UP light-denim short-shorts really seal the deal on the truck-stop lot-lizard look.
Answer this fashion equation:
Mary Kate Olsen x Nicole Richie + Sugar-free Redbull / a pair of leggings with knee-pads
= who or what?
DEVEN: A lollipop girl (big, round head with a stick body) who orally masturbates fashion!
B: You are absolutely CORRECT:
(CONT.): I predict Hi-Def television will have us throwing away seven out of six babies with visible pores in the future,
what are your fashion predictions?
DEVEN: Your pores had better produce diamonds if you want to stay in the game. Here is some HD acting advice: Let the television come to you.
B: Here’s an individual who the Internet tells me is a singer called Jessie J. Thoughts?
DEVEN: Three pieces of ugly nary an outfit make.
B: Golden shoes, golden showers I always say…
…and here’s Agyness Deyn for an Anna Sui Fragrance:
DEVEN: Let us get past the detritus and applaud the second-coming of Rococo anime! I like any fashion that results in your welcoming O-ring puckering into a twisted knot every time you blink.
B: The Internet also tells me that Dita Von Teese has a fragrance titled “Femme Totale,” which, I’m sure, was shockingly overlooked in the Clever Title Awards.
(CONT.): I’m guessing it smells like: a top note of TNT re-runs of CHARMED, smoky Evan Rachel Wood voo-doo dolls, Vitamin D deficiency, with hints of MPED (mis-placed era disorder), and Rose McGowan’s original face.
DEVEN: I smelled it and it has a distinct “bunny button” tone to accent her asymmetrical breasts.
B: And, for contrast, here’s Marc Jacob’s ad for the fragrance Lola, starring Dakota Fanning:
DEVEN: Ben, I may not always be right but I am never wrong; I would trade in my lifetime supply of White Diamonds if that isn’t an external vajeene. Just an observation: it’s mouthy. If you hold your ear close enough you can hear it whistle!
B: Speaking of mouthy, here’s M.I.A, pre-Super Bowl Sunday:
DEVEN: SHITTY. GLITTER. FINGER. There is only one way to get a fist-full-of-glitter and that is by digitizing the inside of someone who shits glitter. Additionally, we all know that by wearing spider webs your not-so-subtle need for protein will be met…one way or another.
B: Here’s a pic of me post-performing. I have a love/hate relationship with animal print. Thoughts?
DEVEN: I love fashion patterns that eat other fashion patterns, it’s like imaginary food. Your leopard print would devour both a giraffe and zebra print. Ben, you win in fashion because you are at the top of the food chain. Ironic, isn’t it?
And now: “Memorize this fashion dance, I want to see results!”
Check out www.devengreen.com for links to more videos, Deven’s live performance schedule, America’s Best Christian Mrs. Betty Bowers, Deven’s equally hilarious husband, and buy some shirts that feature the lines of your favorite new funny lady.