Covetable Goods: Real and Imagined

This bizarre winter-that-time-forgot has really supercharged my need for new spring “goods.” I’m usually too hermetic, pale, and doughy to care much for spring fashion in February, but this apocalyptic novelty has gotten my ass in gear and ready for the beach.

I’ve been stockpiling inspiration that doesn’t quite fit neatly in one post or the other, but that is screaming to be included in some irreverent way. So without further dilly dally, these are some of the things I’m coveting and would love to see on my beach-ready frame or yours.

Note: Do not attempt to wear all of these things at the same time. Duh?

Tiny Chambray Polka Dots!

I’m really into subtle polka dots right now. Either super tiny or in monochromatic color ways. Tiny florals? I’m on the fence. Convince me.

 

Italian illesteva Horn Sunglasses.

I am near positive these would look kind of insane on my face, but that would not keep me from wearing them.  And every time I’d take them off when walking inside or into a dark shadow, I would dramatically whip them from my face, widen my eyes like a crazy person and glare into space like Norma Desmond. Very Dramatic.

 

Sarah Havens Perfectly Proportioned Modern Straw Boater.

I actually have one of these and wear it less frequently than I should. The buttery leather ribbon on the brim is so soft and the “straw” is a perfect neutral copper color. I think everyone needs one of these. You can borrow mine.

 

Subtle Sailor Garb for Subtle Sailors.

Like Michael Braithwaite, I never tire of looking like I’m stepping off a boat. I own probably 13 striped tank tops that I rotate throughout the week and tear through at least two pairs of Sperry’s each summer. The nautical aesthetic is unavoidable each spring and carried out with varying degrees of success. This spring sweater is so lovely in its oatmeal marled weave and it quenches my inner need for an anchor tattoo. Two birds. One anchor.

No image exists of my #5 covetable good. Why? Because as far as I can tell, no one has made it yet. I keep asking and searching the depths of the Internet, but no one has made an adult-sized, cable knit union suit. Cashmere preferably, but beggars can’t be choosers at this point. If I had a black or navy shawl collar, well-fitted cable knit union suit, I dare say that I would never take it off. NEVER. Can someone please come to my rescue and either A) make me a damn cashmere cable knit union suit or B) tell someone they know to make me this thing. I once saw a pair of cable knit “sweatpants” but they were ill-fitting and just sweatpants. That will not do.

 

Jessica Grindstaff Prize Ribbons for Everyone on Every Occasion.

Jessica Grindstaff can do no wrong in my book. She is amazing and aside from just being amazing, she makes these prize ribbons that make you feel special and extraordinary for imaginary things like “Best Rhino” or “Octopus Wrangling.” She is also a co-founder of the Phantom Limb Company with Erik Sanko. So many wonderful things this duo does!

 

 

Louis Vuitton Campaign Trunk DayBed. Tea stained red ticking gets me every time!

 

This is strictly for naps. A full night’s rest would not really be all that comfortable… but a nap in the sun dappled shade. Yes! I’m also really into striped awnings and casual beach cabanas like these ones below in the resort village of Dinard, France. I think I’ll make one.

 

Dinard, France. Meet me in my Cabana...

 

This next elusive “good” is a preview of another post that is formulating in my brain, but has not yet taken full form. Men’s vintage one piece bathing suits. This comes as no surprise to anyone that knows me, but I love men’s vintage one piece bathing suits from 1900-1930. Not always practical, but definitely worth a little more exploration…

Charles Ryder in a one piece from "Brideshead Revisited."

Santa Maria Novella Orange Blossom Water.

The best smell you might ever come across is Santa Maria Novella’s Orange Blossom Water. Spray it on your pillow or on your collar. You can’t go wrong and you will feel like spring freshness all year long.

 

This gentleman is doing so many things right. I bet he smells of orange blossom water, too.

Saddle shoes and classic menswear! This is what spring has in store for us. I will look happier than this, but you get the point. This irreverent mix of things that are exciting for me this spring has come to a close. Get these things and you will be a happier person. The trunk is un-gettable, but aside from that most of these things are totally attainable. Good luck skipping over February…March…April…and half of May. Happy spring!

About Tyler Doran

Tyler is the owner of Heir Antiques, a curiosities shop in New York. He lives in the seaside-ish village of Wakefield, Rhode Island where he collects crazy stuff and forms very serious opinions about wildly unserious things. Doran loathes chenille anything; even blankets but especially sweaters. He lives for rare roast beef, unripend peaches and frozen candy (Haribo gummi bears being the best). Tyler plays tennis, swims and bikes to try to look like a 1920′s Olympian and so that he can eat frozen gummi bears and not feel all that guilty about it. His last three Halloween costumes were a Demonic 18th Century Aristocrat, a Demonic 1920′s Olympic Badminton Player, and a Bulgarian Strongman Circus performer from the 30s. Turn of the Century team photographs of guys in cricket blazers and striped football sweaters never cease to inspire him to dress like an English gentleman on a transatlantic steamship or at picnics by the lake. He once had an incredibly detailed dream about being a stowaway named Whisker Mittens on a ship bound for the African coast and he romanticizes histories in a big way.

5 comments

  1. Classy as always! Great post Ty!

  2. Nancy

    I wish I could knit you an adult-sized, cable knit union suit. Cashmere no less!!! Someday when I get more free time! xoxo

  3. Linda Champagne

    Find me the pattern and the yarn – I would love the challenge…..love your comments. You are one awesome person – someday I will have to come to RI to visit and see all your treasures…..Linda Champagne, formerly of Hampton Falls….

  4. Kat

    Damn. Now I have to knit that anchor sweater. J’adore.

  5. Where on earth is that anchor sweater from? I need to know!

IBC LOVES your brain, and we encourage thoughtful, lively discussion. We will, however, moderate comments that are abusive or disrespectful. Stay classy!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: