And it’s not because instead of getting a full-spectacle Royal Wedding we get frat boy screaming USA! USA! outside the White House. I’ve become accustomed to our nation’s lack of fairy tale glamour and preponderance of wet-brained choads . It’s more like, I’ve been reading a lot of European fashion magazines and enjoying the ads as much as the editorials, since they tend to be for brands that don’t market to the United States. I know what you’re thinking. What? There are businesses that don’t market to the United States? Do they want to fail or something? Anyway . . . Above we see 82-year old British model, Daphne Selfe, modeling for the German line Wunderkind. Mz. Selfe claims to not have gotten her big break til she was in her 70s. I love that. It’s like, you could have a whole other life that takes off when you’re seventy. What a relaxing thought.
This lesbo genderfucking Campari commercial I caught on Italian television while surfing back and forth between an amazing episode of Friends with Italian dubbing, and the Miss Italia pageant, which still features bathing suits and takes the ‘talent’ portion embarrassingly seriously. I know that Italian liquor isn’t exactly fashion, but they do end up wearing it in this ad….
Lou Doillon in Vanessa Bruno ads. Lou is Jane Birkin’s other daughter (I’m sure that’s how she introduces herself), and Charlotte Gainsbourg’s half-sister. She bad-acts in the film atrocity Sisters, alongside Chloe Sevigny, so I was like, Yes! This is going to be so great!. But not even the significant primordial pleasure I get from looking at those two could make the movie bearable. Even Chloe stunk it up. Anyway, re: Vanessa Bruno, I don’t care so much for this outfit but, as mentioned earlier, I really like looking at Lou Doillon.
I like this white thing from the 2009 ad campaign better, and I like the orange background because orange is my power color – once, when I was getting sober and was very psychically fragile I stared at a Mark Rothko painting in MoMA and felt like it shifted me into an altered state of consciousness. Then I bothered to read the little blurb that went with the piece and it said that Rothko was trying to give people a spiritual experience with it! Well done, Rothko! So, yes – orange, white jacket-shirt-thing, pretty 70s lighting and I don’t care that Lou Doillon looks like some junkie man with rich parents who plays bass in a glamrock band that’ll never make it. That is precisely why I like her.
I should be happy that Sonia Rykiel doesn’t advertise in the United States so I’m not constantly reminded by how cute her clothes are and how much I would enjoy wearing them. Knit suspender pants? Yes, but can I have that sweet fitted dress with the awkward pleat for when I’m feeling more ladylike? Or corset and skirt or whatever the hell it is, would someone just give it me? Thank you.
An Hermes leather mask hand painted with fancy French people from a bygone era? This really goes with my current Hanna/Hunger Games/girl archer in the night forest I’m still obsessing on. Not that Hanna or Katness from Hunger Games would wear something so frivolous and impractical, but I sure would. By the way I just burned through Catching Fire, the second Hunger Games book, and have cracked into Mockingjay. What will I do when it all comes to an end? Sit tight and wait for Hollywood to soil it’s innocence with their film adaptation, of course.
Tsumori Chisato ads that don’t even bother showing you any actual clothing, it’s more about the Tsumori Chisato state of mind, a cute and dreamy lifestyle. Opening Ceremony carries Tsumori Chisato and I always try something on but due to my aversion to spending $500 on a shirt, I do not purchase. It’s also hard to think about spending a million dollars on a piece you will only feel whimsical enough to wear during a few good hormonal spikes throughout the year. Still, I did get obsessed with this here skirt last time I visited OC:
It was hard to know what exactly the skirt would look like on, and I wasn’t in the mood to exhaust myself trying on clothes I knew I wasn’t going to buy, so I am happy to see it here on the runway, looking very excellent. I spent a lot of time examining it, because in the same little room was the designer for Band of Outsiders, visiting and chatting with a salesboy about how fantastic their show at New York Fashion Week was, and I was stunned by the proximity to greatness and whether I should pounce on him and get an interview for IBC but I felt shy and creepy and so I just stood there eavesdropping, fondling the 3-D flowery ruffles on this amazing skirt.
Those glasses are too big for her head and that weird bondagey mock-turtleneck is, well, weird, and the whole thing looks like a clown costume and I was like, that’s ugs, and then I became obsessed with how ugly it was and had to keep looking at it and now I love it. This happens a lot.
It’s like when I was on pot brownie at Aardvark’s used clothes on Haight Street one fall, and I was standing before a rack of these amazing, like, jumpsuits, and they were totally mesmerizing and I kept asking my friend, Are you supposed to wear these, like are these real clothes or are they costumes? and I had the sweaty feeling I get when a piece of clothing really blows me away and I want it so badly, and my friend was like, Michelle, those are clown costumes. For Halloween. And I was like, Okay, but can I wear one?
There are many more advertisements that we do not have, though the Europeans do. Sort of exactly like health care. But I am going to stop now. I leave you with an image of the former Miss Umbria, Francesca Testasecca, as she learns she just bagged the Miss Italia crown despite having some magical orchids tattooed on her belly. Europe is so way tolerant.