The Higher the Hat, the Closer to God


I’m going to be honest. This post is going to be thin when it comes to text because I just don’t have the words for what I saw in the five minutes that I paid attention to the Royal Wedding last week. I haven’t seen so many extravagant church lady hats in one place since I left Nashville and was no longer privy to Easter Sunday service attendees doing an exit parade from Southern Baptist churches. This is all to say, holy shit, English church lady hats! What is going on? Why was the hat situation so intense?

I feel like there must be some British tradition I’m unaware of. Perhaps British ladies are so restrained and proper in daily life that the church hat is a physical representation of all of their pent up energy and swag potential? Maybe it’s a take on the old coinage “the higher the hair, the closer to God?” I don’t know, but I do know that as a child of their rogue descendants, I found all the pomp that the Brits whipped out for this absurd occasion ADORABLE!  Look at ’em! Look at ’em go! Smiling and waving and donning sculptural headdresses! It’s like when your severe grandma gets drunk and has a great time.


Princess Beatrice being a spider thanks to famous milliner, Philip Treacy

Lady Frederick Windsor looking like an amazing Gothic wedding cake

Zara Philips will not be crossed. The end.

Just some random bitch inside Westminster Abbey

Another random bitch wearing what is barely a hat at all!

Princess Marie Chantal shows how they roll in Greece

Princess Anne, the Princess Royal makes hilARIOUS faces

My people like to keep shit all sleek lines and turquoise! Princess Margrethe of Denmark

I think Queen Elizabeth is just the cutest little old lady. She looks like anyone's grandmother! And she matches that religious leader!

Everyone was freaking out about Pippa Middleton but I don’t get it; she wasn’t wearing a big hat. She’s pretty. Who cares. GET A HAT!

In the days of giant dresses (before 1900) the bigger the dress, the higher the class status. I wonder if hats do the same thing now? Can you determine how important someone is in the royal hierarchy based on how elaborate their hat is? I hope so. Although, Queen Elizabeth’s hat was pretty simple and short. Though, she DID match the Church. Being a rung below God is pretty much the highest hat ever. She’s so secure in her superiority, she doesn’t need a flashy  Philip Treacy creation. I like that in a Queen.


About Michael von Braithwaite

Does it look like I'd wear it on a boat, at an eccentric person's estate or accompanied by a peacock on a chain? Yeah, I'll probably buy that.

One comment

  1. Pingback: The Blonde-terview: Mom-terview | Blonde on Blonde

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