Pictures of Models Falling Down

That action shot on Juana Martin’s runway might have been a terrible mistake, but if it were, like, a Top Model challenge to eat dirt in a glamorous and interesting manner, the above model would totally be grabbing her bestie and taking off for a high end massage while the rest of the girls wash scabby wine glasses and vacuum the carpet at home. This post will be all about models falling. And it’s not because I want us to laugh at models in particular, because I don’t. Hating on models is just hating on women you guys – take a page from the famous friendship of Beth Ditto + Kate Moss. Every punk feminist should have a model bestie. To hook you up with shit and whatnot. I am still working on mine. Anyway, meanwhile, here are some models taking a tumble on the job. Not because models falling is funny. Because people falling is funny. By the way, Juana Martin is a Spanish designer who likes to send ladies down the runway in sheer button-up shirts with no bras, and is also fond of layers of big, crazy Flamenco ruffles.

It would be sort of amazing if someone made like an old-fashioned flip book of falling models. This lass is taking a tumble on the runway of British designer Gharani Strok. Is she truly falling – or is it a clever play to make off with the goodies inside one of the front row’s swag bags? Hmmmm. I bet they don’t give the models anything! Except thousands of dollars I mean. Anyway, I couldn’t find much info on Gharani beyond the 2007 SS collection, which would look wonderful right now with it’s palette of mostly white with bursts of meyer lemon. Meyer because it’s darker and brighter, and fancier.

Oh man, I have SO done that! Stepped out of my shoe while walking runway at Proenza Schouler. Kidding, I wish, but I have walked straight out of a pair of shoes that didn’t quite grip the heel the way you’d like a pair of shoes to grip your heel. Especially these big, heavy ones with weighted heels. Two of my favorite pairs of shoes I ever owned were intense wedge platforn things, a brown suede pair from Miu MIu from DSW and a BCBG YSL rip-off from Century 21 and I had to get rid of both pairs because I looked like this girl every time I wore them. Only not wearing an amazing pink ad orange halter. Nope.

Naomi Campbell wiping out at Vivienne Westwood, on a pair of ginormous platform stilettos, a famous model tumble! Look how she just sits there like a marionette with her strings suddenly snipped! She is making a moment out of it, as is her job, which she does very well. This is clearly in the 90s. Remember feather boas? I do, and I have to say, to designers like Prada who sent boa-like bright fuzzy stoles down the runway this season, I call bullshit! That shit is hideous. I truly think Miuccia Prada puts together her collections each year asking: What one or two butt-ugly pieces can I send out and trick fools into buying, whaaa-haa-haaa! And while I am you know riffing on nothing, where exactly was this Westwood show happening, in a Holiday Inn somewhere? In my old lousy apartment in North Beach with the unfortunate sliding mirrored closet doors? Anyway.

A nice save at Christian Dior. Who has hit bottom tho is Dior designer John Galliano, who apparently likes to hang out in brasseries getting wasted and hurling anti-Semitic insults at people. Like this charming comment: I love Hitler, and people like you would be dead today. Your mothers, your forefathers, would be … gassed and … dead. Whoa. Guess what, they throw you in jail for that shit in France, most perfect country in the world. After being taken over by Nazis, staging a massive resistance and seeing almost 600,000 of their population killed, they take such things quite seriously. He faces six months in the French slammer – which I bet is wonderful – after drying out in some posh rehab somewhere.

What up, I'm going down! Love her.

Cruel, cruel Miuccia Prada had models eating shit all over the place on her 2008 runway, with two wipeouts and multiple close calls. Reports one model from backstage: “I was having a panic attack, my hands were shaking. The heels were so high. Some of the girls were crying backstage they were so scared.” You guys, models need a labor union! And anti-anxiety meds! Not to sound Tyra or Miss Jay, but, um, what did you think you would be doing, as a model, if not wearing insanely high heels? At least Katie Fogarty, above, got to fall in something cute. That’s right! You keep smiling – no matter what! Runway surfing is fun! This is at Junko Shimada, Whose SS 2011 line is so cute – lots of red, white and blue polka dots; stripey, loungey robe-rompers and maxi-dresses, all styled with super bright pops of color at the neck and on the head.

Nice save.

Awww, man! Those heels! Could have happened to anyone.

Hello, this photo is selling this dress better than simply watching a person walk across the floor in it. It’s so lovely! Was this staged? It’s too perfect.

She’s not falling. They were playing some ska and she wanted to dance.

Beloved Agyness Deyn says fuck it with grace and charm, per usual.

You try balancing a giant shower puff on your head in a crazy pair of heels and see how you like it.

A graceful landing at Christian Siriano.

Okay people, I leave you with some images of models retaining their dignity in current ad campaigns. Even though I don’t like the looks of Louis Vuitton SS 11, I am psyched to see my three favorite models – Raquel Zimmerman, Kristen McMenamy and Freja Beha Erichsen – hanging out together with amazing little hairdos and lacey fans:

Perfectly good stripes ruined at Prada with the addition of these murdered stuffed animal carcasses, like I was saying.

Hey, cut it out, this shit’s expensive! Freja + Stella Tennant get harassed in Chanel.

What is going on here?! I love how violent Lanvin’s ads always are.

I mean, really.

It’s like a new kind of yoga you can’t afford.

KITTENS!!!!!!!!

Matthew Barney x Givenchy? Creepy!

PIGGIES! I want to live in this room. The girl in the wheelbarrow is killing me.Unisexxy dopplebangers.

I love Chloe but that ghoulish model freaks me out.

Adorable! Okay at this point I am just putting off getting started with my day. I have to go. You will have to stumble across the great Celine ad with the model holding the skateboard on your own. It has been fun looking at magazines with you.

 

About Michelle Tea

I chanted "I am a fashion magnet" in the shower and subsequently found a Gianni Versace - era Versace skirt at Buffalo Exchange for $17. Once I got a beyond-my-means Fendi purse for free and sat staring at it, crying. Also cried at Olivier Theyskens' last show for Nina Ricci in Paris. Other things that make me cry: a good lip synch; my emotions. I have stolen two Jeremy Scott swag items from two Jeremy Scott events I was not quite invited to. Sometimes I want to age into Patti Smith, sometimes Baby Jane Hudson. I frequently dream I am in a magic thrift store where I can have whatever I want. I regret not buying the Alexander Wang purse when it was half price at Barney's. Like a delusional guy at a strip club, I feel special when the people who work at Barney's remember me. Having a Leo rising gives me big hair and a need for attention. My favorite designers right now are Alexander Wang, Philip Lim, Proenza Schouler, Vivienne Westwood, Viktor Rolf, Rick Owens, Rodarte, Helmut Lang and Surface to Air. I was once shamed by an employee of a high-end department store for pronouncing 'Rodarte' incorrectly.

3 comments

  1. michaelvonbraithwaite

    This literally made me laugh out loud. I won’t use the acronym. I just won’t.

  2. Pingback: Models Dancing « Ironing Board Collective

IBC LOVES your brain, and we encourage thoughtful, lively discussion. We will, however, moderate comments that are abusive or disrespectful. Stay classy!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: