PROTECT ME FROM WHAT I WANT

You will find a pot o' snow at the end of these rainbows.

Because I will be spending more of January in New York than anyplace else, I am currently obsessed with snow boots. I’m looking for something waterproof and warm that compliments my winter coat. Here is my winter coat:

That is not me wearing the coat.

So, those 1970s rainbow MOON BOOTS won’t work but aren’t they great?! I like that me and MOON BOOTS were both born in 1971. I wonder what they’re doing for their 40th birthday? Listen, this blog is going to be all over the place so just open your heart to chaos. I want to tell you that while in Los Angeles over the Xmas holiday there were not one, not two but three rainbows in the sky. That’s more than, like Hawai’i! And one rainbow was like super fat. And also phat. Those MOON BOOTS are like having a magical sky on your feet. Even though they’re not what I’m looking for, let’s look at some more:

I'm over the moon for these boots!

I like how fat and sort of clunky all-one-shape they are. I love the cris-cross laces, like I’m going to go skiing, which I promise you I’m not. And really I love their crazy computer font, like these boots are from the future! Or I guess, from the moon. Or for people who want to go to the moon, a sort of far-out type of person. Anyway, I really admire them. They were made in Italy, where all fine boots come from.

My number one first choice of snow boot, if money was, like, totally no object, are these MOON BOOT rip-offs from Chloe:

Keeping that cute shape that I think would make me feel like a character on a children’s television show, but chic. Like, don’t you think if you wore moon boot-shaped boots you’d want to sort of lumber around waving your arms like a goofy snow monster? Or have I just been hanging out with my two-year-old niece too much?

Let’s look at more luxurious snow boots I cannot afford:

Ahhhhmaaaayzing.

Often when I’m looking at a fashion magazine and see a model wearing a pair of fucking ugly shoes I’m like, those are Prada. And I’m right. But I like these, they look really expensive. Maybe it’s because they say Prada.

Groovy Pucci snowbunny boots!

Okay, here are the boots I am probably going to get. They’re by Sperry and they come with promises of coziness, waterproofness, and they go with my coat. Plus they are under a hundred dollars. They’re called Hingham.

 

That's Sir Hingham, to you.

While not suitable snow boots,these giant boat shoe boots were spotted while trolling the Sperry website, and now I want them. They are like the 50-hole Doc Martens I longed for in my youth, updated for today’s fashion:


Okay, also in the running for my chosen snow boot are these busy wonders from Le Sportsac. Only I can’t really find them anywhere, or find out how much they are or if they are even available right now. And I’ve been Googling this shit for hours. Trust me. Hours.

So great, right? But maybe not the best for hiking through the wilderness of upstate New York. Which believe it or not is what I will be doing next month. They would be great boots to try to hike in, and then sort of twist your ankle in a not-too-serious way, and have to sit on a rock by a frozen stream waiting for a handsome masculine person with an appreciation for cool women’s snow boots to come and help you, which they do, but not before you befriend some hungry deer, hand feeding them the trail mix you have in your pocket, and then masculine person tucks you gently into a sleigh which is pulled by their friendly, robust dogs and you are taken to a log cabin where your ankle is tenderly bandaged and you are given hot cocoa, not homeade shit but real hot cocoa, Swiss Miss from the package with the hard little marshmallows bobbing in it, and then you find out that you like all the same books, and both of your favorite movie is the Isaac Mizrahi documentary Unzipped – and they’re not gay! I mean if they’re a man they’re not gay. If they’re a female they are. This is my fantasy for these boots, which I will not be buying. Know what else I won’t be buying?:

Isabel Marant sneakers. I love love love Isabel Marant, and she seems like a really cool person who maybe has a vague feeling of guilt that her clothes cost a fucking million dollars, so I would like to help her feel better about herself by agreeing to receive these boots with no charge to myself!

I also won’t be getting these brilliant Jenny Holzer x Whitney x Keds – surely one of the most cockamamie collabs ever, but totally genius – the artist Jenny Holzer designs a pair of Keds printed with her aphorism Protect Me From What I Want – a mantra I chant daily – and all proceeds go to benefit the Whitney museum. And because I find about about most things way too late I missed them and the are all gone. Something else I want, but from which I am probably protected from my financial reality, are the Fendi SS 11 sunglasses. I like all the color combos but this one is my favorite because I think it’s the tamest:

Sooooo coooooool! And worn by model Freja Beha Erichsen, which brings me to my next current obsession:

Freya Beha Erichsen

I came upon my friend Beth with her head stuck in the issue of Dossier with Freja on the cover, looking sort of hard with like a giant wooden stick across her shoulders like she was in training for some new sport that required one to be rangy and unkempt and super gorgeous and carry a giant stick across your shoulders. Beth declared Freja her new favorite model. After obsessively Googling her, I learn that Freja is a red hot lez, and was dating another red hot lez model, Irina Lazareanu, and that they’re both besties with Agyness Deyn. Check it:

Fuck you, too.

What, Irina is reading some book about Bob Dylan or something? I love these girls. Let’s look at some clips fromFreja + Irina’s love affair, and then one more picture of the three pals acting like supermodel JDs, and then a slew of photos of Freja with no shirt on!

Isn’t it like that Read My Lips anti-homophobia poster from the 90s? Like a cross between that and a Bennetton or Esprit ad. Cute!

Smoking is cool and you know it.

Okay now here are just a selection of the 500 million photos of Freja looking like insanely hot in a hundred different ways with her breasts exposed.

 

 


for Tom Ford

I think that when Tom Ford said in an interview that he sometimes wants to sleep with women he was thinking of Freja Beha.

Here’s Freja and model / photographer Christian Brylle posing as Patti Smith and Robert Mapplethorpe. Yeah.

Okay, I was going to end this post with my other curent obsession, Willow Smith, but I will save that for another day. I leave you with a more modest, but still  magnificent vision of Freja.

 

 

About Michelle Tea

I chanted "I am a fashion magnet" in the shower and subsequently found a Gianni Versace - era Versace skirt at Buffalo Exchange for $17. Once I got a beyond-my-means Fendi purse for free and sat staring at it, crying. Also cried at Olivier Theyskens' last show for Nina Ricci in Paris. Other things that make me cry: a good lip synch; my emotions. I have stolen two Jeremy Scott swag items from two Jeremy Scott events I was not quite invited to. Sometimes I want to age into Patti Smith, sometimes Baby Jane Hudson. I frequently dream I am in a magic thrift store where I can have whatever I want. I regret not buying the Alexander Wang purse when it was half price at Barney's. Like a delusional guy at a strip club, I feel special when the people who work at Barney's remember me. Having a Leo rising gives me big hair and a need for attention. My favorite designers right now are Alexander Wang, Philip Lim, Proenza Schouler, Vivienne Westwood, Viktor Rolf, Rick Owens, Rodarte, Helmut Lang and Surface to Air. I was once shamed by an employee of a high-end department store for pronouncing 'Rodarte' incorrectly.

4 comments

  1. Rose

    I love my Moon Boots, they’re real ones and bright red, my buddies pitched in and bought them for me for Christmas years ago, and I’ve had warm dry feet in the Chicago snow ever since. And now Freja Beha has inspired me to wear them shirtless.

  2. carrieleilamlove

    Willow Smith is also MY current obsession!! I almost was going to do a post on her — but I didn’t — so you should! Next week? Please?

    Also, watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QBxpjtcBAG8

  3. selene

    Abbey Lee Kershaw is who Freja is dating now, I believe. I really like her, she’s got great style, check her out if you haven’t heard of her.

  4. Dnt

    I have awesome blue MOON BOOTS that I got in a supermarket in Italy for like 10 Euros! Actually I think they may be rip-off MOON BOOTS that say LUNAR BOOT or something instead but whatevs, they look the same! Too bad all the snow has already melted in Boston – another blizzard, please!

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